Traditions
by gelfling
Summary: GaaNeji. In a rather embarrassing situation, Neji finds himself getting married to a man—he handles it sensibly with whiskey and by fighting with the groom. Humor, drunkenness, and semi-witty comebacks galore. I use word ‘shebang’—I’m so happ


This was a challenge drabble written for theloudmonk—otherwise, I would've _never_ thought up a GaaNeji on my own—my mind doesn't work that way 0o  Had _oodles_ of fun with it.  GaaNeji.  In a rather embarrassing situation, Neji finds himself getting married to a man—he handles it sensibly with whiskey and by fighting with the groom.  Humor, drunkenness, and semi-witty comebacks galore.  I use word 'shebang'—I'm so happy!

_Traditionally_

By gelfling

gelfling8604yahoo.com

Standard Disclaimer Applies At All Times

It was meant to be an insult, but it didn't quite work out that way.  These things did.

Privately, Neji wondered if his tyrannical uncle had gone insane.  Publicly, he went along with the whole shebang—after it started to look interesting.  Besides, everyone was expecting him to back out or fight back.   That was nearly reason enough to cooperate in its own.

Neji had always known his marriage would be arranged.  He hadn't pictured being married to man.  It just wasn't one of those events life had prepared him to expect, so it was possible the fault was completely his for being caught unawares.

It was a short, sparse affair.  The other family involved came—all three of them—greeted with Hyuuga's, said hello and how's the weather and so on and so on, and little was really accomplished.   On the Big Day, his arranged counterpart went missing, and stayed so.  Neji found some rotten delight in watching the ceremony squirm and scramble while he and Shikamaru spent the better part of the afternoon getting quietly drunk and smirking at nothing.

Towards…about ten at night, or maybe even midnight, the magic hour but probably a few minutes off, Neji wandered off.  As amusing as he found the whole distasteful affair, he didn't enjoy looking like a fool even drunk.  At least he didn't have to worry about finding him—he would be found first.

During the fight Lee had with Gaara, watching Lee nearly become processed meat, Neji had realized something.  They had similar minds.  This made Gaara somewhat easier to predict.

"You were _late_."

"I was MIA.  I wasn't late—I was never there."

"Nnn…AWOL.  Absent Without Leave.  They did _teach_ you manners at…"

"They tried.  It depended on how I felt."

Neji had chuckled at that, sitting cross-legged comfortably at the base of a tree.  He felt…warm.  And slightly queasy.  "I need to get my nails cut again…"

"What the hell are _you_ doing out?  Shouldn't you be crawling around with the rest of your blood?"

"Mmm…didn't feel like it.  I prefer intelligent company…"

"The sound of your own voice?  Or the stink of your breath?"

"The _bottle_.  The green bottle…is my friend.  My best friend.  I _like_ the green bottle…he is a good friend."

"He's an empty friend."

"Damn—you're right.  Damn it.  Ah…huh.  Doesn't matter.  So are all my other friends…if I had other friends…  They'd be empty too.  I want another bottle."

"You're a drunk.  They paired _me_ up with a damn _drunk_."

"…devil in disguise.  _You_.  Monster…"

There was a studied silence. 

"In _disguise_?  What disguise?"

Neji laughed.  He didn't laugh often, so his throat sounded rough.

"I'll kill you before the end of the month.  Don't get comfortable."

Neji nodded unsteadily—his head felt only loosely attached to the rest of his body, and his eyes felt…curiously heavy.  Like they wanted to fall out of his skull—he found that amusing too.

"You can _try_…try.  I saw you.  Fight.  I can.  Yanno.  _Do_ stuff…"

"When you're not drunk?"

"Yes," Neji agreed.  "And.  _Drunk_.  Too."

"Hn.  So.  What's usually entailed in these affairs anyway?"

"Babies.  And mortgages.  And…groceries."

"…I mean, what happens next?  You're going to die at the end of the month, remember?"

"Oh.  Yeah.  Um…I remember."  Neji watched himself drop the bottle.  He had been playing with the rim—it was incredibly smooth and well-rounded.  Amazing piece of glass work.  His uncle wouldn't think so, and he had no idea what his father would have said if he were alive. 

"Er…we have sex.  Traditionally."

"Do we have to?"

"Traditionally."

"We're both male.  And…I don't like you very much."

"Traditionally.  _You're_ the girl."

"I look more like an orthodox male than you do.  You're the girl.  I refuse to participate completely—this is stupid, and it's all because your clan head hates you."

"Yes.  Gaara?"

"What?"

"I don't like you much either."

"Good.  Then we agree."

"Yep…  What?"

"You're drunk."

"Yes.  Beyond a doubt.  …_Traditionally_ too.  Tradition.  Because.  It is."

"…God _damn_ you're drunk."

"Oh _yes_.  I hope to be.  I hope to be.  Else where.  Somebody else.  I shall be drunk.  It's better than being _here_…"

"Is it?"

"Indubitably."

"Are we really expected to have sex?"

"Afraid so.  Tradition."

"Shut up.  Hmm…we can't have sex, it'd be unforgivably traumatizing.  I wouldn't mind being someone else though."

"…_Hey_.  _You_ shut up.  Idiot."

"I'm going to find another friend."

"Vodka?  Or sake?"

"You're not invited."

"We're supposed to be having _sex_ right now.  You came _this_ far…for some reason.  You can damn _well_…get me something to drink."

"Get it yourself—I came for the food.  And I get to kill you at the end of the month.  Don't touch me."

"I'm coming."

"Whatever."

They got drunk together.  They did not have sex. 

_That_ didn't come to the end of the month.

--End


End file.
